Why Owning an Exercise Bike Might Make You Question Your Life Choices

I bought an exercise bike with all the best intentions. You know, the usual suspects: get fit, sculpt bodacious glutes, and maybe even outrun a rogue croissant on occasion. Plus, it promised to be a "convenient way to exercise from the comfort of your own home." 

**Convenient, they said.** 

Ha! Let me tell you, that exercise bike is about as convenient as trying to use a spork to eat soup. First, there's the assembly. It was like a deranged IKEA manual had a threesome with a Rubik's Cube and birthed this monstrosity of metal and mystery. I spent three hours wrestling with bolts, swearing like a drunken sailor, and contemplating a career change to professional furniture dismantler.

**Finally, the beast was assembled.** 

I hopped on, feeling triumphant. This was it! The start of my new, svelte me! Except, my enthusiasm hit a brick wall faster than a toddler with a juice box. The seat was about as comfortable as a cactus upholstered in sandpaper. And don't even get me started on the resistance levels. Level 1 felt like pedaling through molasses, while Level 2 was basically cycling through a Category 5 hurricane.

**But I persevered.** 

I convinced myself that the burning in my legs was a good thing, like a mini internal bonfire of fat cells. Then, disaster struck. As I was valiantly conquering Mount Resistance Level 3, my phone, precariously balanced on the handlebars, took a nosedive. Right. Into. My. Coffee. 

**Instant caffeine enema.** 

Let's just say I spent the next hour looking like a caffeinated hummingbird with questionable life choices. 

**So, where am I now?** 

The exercise bike sits in the corner, gathering dust bunnies like they're Olympic medals. I've taken to using it as a fancy clothes rack, which, I'll admit, is a much more comfortable experience.

**But hey, I learned a valuable lesson:** 

sometimes, the best exercise is the kind that involves laughter and not crying (or, you know, coffee enemas). So, if you're thinking about buying an exercise bike, I have one piece of advice: save your money and buy a really comfy pair of pajamas instead. Trust me, your glutes will thank you (and your sanity will remain blissfully intact).

**P.S.** If anyone needs a gently used exercise bike with built-in coffee dispenser, hit me up. I'm practically giving it away. 

**P.P.S.** To the rogue croissant, I'm still coming for you. And this time, I'll be sporting my finest pajamas. You've been warned.

I hope you enjoyed this funny article on using an exercise bike!

Source 😀 bard.google.com